All Things To All People

All Things To All People
This is how I described myself, "All Things To All People", and I didn't even know there was a name for this. I thought I was doing what was expected of me. It's what I have been taught my whole life. I didn't know there was a different way, not a right or wrong way, just different. I saw how others I admire lived. They always have a smile on their face, seem happy, and enjoy life. This was not me.

What I now know is I had relinquished my own life to others. Everyone else decided if I could be happy, have fun, enjoy life. I did whatever others needed. I was completely burned out. I had reached the bottom of the pit. I was miserable. 

I woke up to reality and learned to change, to take back my power. I tried different practices and with help the changes took root. I'm not saying I don't still love wholeheartedly to do for others, or even enjoy being needed, it is who I am. I am saying I now choose to do for others because I want to and not because I need toneed the feeling of being needed.

So what is this all about? Codependency - a "label" I keep hearing over and over. What is codependency? How does it effect our daily lives? Can one overcome codependency?

Let me say I am a recovering codependent! I have struggled with this my entire life and now I'm learning this "label" doesn't define WHO or WHOSE I am.  The freedom is to live as I was created is wonderful!

What is codependency?
Webster defines Codependency as a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

Codependency involves sacrificing one's own personal needs in an attempt to meet the needs of another. As Christian's we have been told over and over this is the way to live. Many use the scripture I Peter 4:8, which tells us, "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."  Taken out of text this can sound like we are to ALWAYS put others' needs before our own. However, in Matthew the Lord says, "The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself .’"
(Matthew 22:39 NASB)  He says this is second to loving Him. In order to love our neighbor as ourselves we must know how to love ourselves first.

We set ourselves up for burnout when we are constantly putting others' needs first. Even more we will never feel loved, secure, fulfilled, complete,  joyful, or authentic until we reclaim our power from others.

This is where I found myself a while back. I felt like a caterpillar in the cocoon working my way to the freedom of the butterfly. I have learned there are techniques to "rewire" the brain and stop the loop on repeat.

Can you relate to any of these signs of codependency?

•Worrying or carrying the burden for others' problems

Covering up to protect others from reaping the consequences of their choices

Doing more than is required at your job or home to earn approval

•Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship

•Having difficulty identifying your feelings

•Having difficulty communicating in a relationship

•Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself

•Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem

•Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval

•Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost

•Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others

These are signs of a codependent personality. Signs change is needed. Once recognized and owned they can be exchanged for empowerment and wholehearted living.

I'm sharing what I have learned with those ready to change. My dream is to see a community of women (and men) stop this generational curse; to no longer hand down the emotional trauma to our children and grandchildren.

If you identify AT ALL with this please contact me. I would love to support you on your journey to empowerment.